It’s been awhile since the last update, between Xewleer’s worthless (but appreciated) arts post and Kaizn’s lack of tact on the updates it really feels that this place has slowed down. Though  can’t just downplay my part in all this, as I’m sure my lack of updates hasn’t help as much either.

I’ve Sound, Everytime I learn to move on…

Memories, something that we all have at one time or another, something that is in essence, a recording of our life, our deeds, and our existence.

We often talk about how in our memory we regret moments or that we wish we could turn back the clock. But can our memory limit us? Well let me elaborate, suppose you are a jerk for most of your life, most peoples memories of you are not well and they don’t treat you well as a result. Because of such a cycle, even if you wanted to reform, it would take alot of patience and understanding from your peers.

So I was contacted by a girl I had known in my past recently, I think it was about the time I started playing MMOs seriously that I last contacted her, she wanted me to re-establish relations with her, as we had gone our separate ways before I became heavily engrossed in the MMO subculture. I gave her a roundabout answer and am not quite sure on what I should do, I had thought of discussing the matter with friends, but most I can’t talk seriously with, others go into private channels, and some have too many stressful things going on in their own lives at the moment.

So I sit here, writing this post and listening to a song, the memories I had with this particular girl were great, but I’m only remembering the good times, I’m sure there are plenty of bad times I had forgotten. That’s the thing about memories, you only remember the good times and some of the extremely bad ones. (Though I know a few people with very selective memories, ahem).

But why did she have to remember me, I thought I had moved on, I thought I had forgotten. I wanted to change, I wanted to become someone new, I wanted to let go of my past, but it caught up and sadly, I find myself the same, stagnant and never changing.

Memory – Amanda Lee

It seems as though, everytime I try to move on, everytime I try to change, something pulls me back, back into the world I want to leave behind. Though I’ve met tons of fascinating and truly extraordinary people in my lifetime and hope to meet many more. I honestly wish that I could erase my memory and start anew.

Why? because it’s easier, because I’m a coward, because I don’t want to see people important to me hurt, because although I keep playing the fool, I really wish I didn’t have to for the sake of others.

I pray that in time, I am forgiven, because I want to move on, my memories keep clinging to me, holding me back, keeping me from moving.

I thought my heart erased your love, but it’s all I can think of.

I thought I cleared my head, of all you did and said.

I needed time to think of ways to clear my mind, but I failed and our memories come and go again.

I loved the time that we spent and every single moment, but when I think of us, it always makes me cry,

our memory drives me out of my mind.

I’ve Sound, I wish I could forget it all.